Problem Page

Problems? Worries? Unsightly children?

Get advice from FabMo's Doris Fiss

Dear Doris
Our baby is six months old and suffers from colic in the evenings. The trouble is, by the time I get to bed, all I want to do is sleep. My husband is complaining that I never seem to want sex anymore, but I’m just too tired. What should I do?
Jenny

Dear Jenny
I don’t know why you’re making such a fuss, dear. It’s quite possible to sleep through these things. Insist on the missionary position and take a nap.
Doris

Dear Doris
My husband and I have been invited to a posh dinner party next month. The problem is, I’m breastfeeding and tend to spring leaks without even noticing it. I don’t want to sit around the table all night with huge stains down the front of my dress. Have you any suggestions?
Mary

Dear Mary
The reason you don’t notice you’re leaking is because the temperature of breast milk is exactly the same as body temperature. I suggest you try the new Alert Bra from MumCo. The underwiring is attached to a small power pack that gives a hefty electric shock when wet. This should alert you to any imminent frock faux pas. If you’re sleep-deprived it has the added benefit of jolting you awake if you start to nod off in the soup.
Doris

Dear Doris
A week or so after the birth of my beautiful baby, Lawrence, I started to feel a little tired and irritable. Then I started to burst into tears at the most inappropriate moments. When I did so during a long distance call to my mother-in-law about her luggage allowance, she suggested it was just the shock of having to care for somebody else for a change and that I’d soon get used to it. But even with her constant help and companionship, I seem unable to go a day without screaming or crying over some tiny thing.

My husband, Malc, has told me how moody I’ve become and that I get irrationally irritated when he tries to help by giving me Time Management lessons. I can’t even take pleasure in the little things in life, like our get-togethers with Malc’s gun club every weekend or the Cleanliness is Next to Godliness coffee mornings his mother hosts twice a week in our conservatory. Even the two gun dogs Malc bought me as a surprise present haven’t lifted my spirits. I now spend an alarming amount of time hiding in the utility room. Is this a normal case of the Baby Blues? If so, how long should I expect it to last? Lawrence is now 780 weeks.
Sally from Stockport

Dear Sally
Clear out the shed, dear. You can hide in there.
Doris

Dear Doris
My son’s school is always asking for volunteers to help with field trips. I’m running out of excuses as to why I’m not available, but to be frank, the thought of spending a day with a bunch of boisterous, bratty five-year-olds fills me with dread. Is there any way I can get out of this?
Sarah

Dear Sarah
Of course there is. If you continually ‘forget’ to hand in the required police clearance form, they’ll soon stop asking out of embarrassment. It may create a little gossip around the school gate, but at least you won’t be stuck on a coach with thirty over-excited children regurgitating their packed-lunches over the seats.
Doris